Time to get real, get personal, so much so it may shock you. (dun dun duuunnn) But really, I feel this is important to share because I know I can not be the only one who has gone through such an episode and it is pertinent to those who are just married or after having a child. So, you guessed it, the topic of the day is Birth Control. eww.
I am not here to hand you my evaluation as if to say do NOT take this but there is a serious side to the effects the hormones can have on you, there is a reason I titled it the way I did.
When my husband and I were engaged, we decided I should try some sort of b.c to get on schedule of taking for when we were married. So I lived with a girlfriend of mine and we started it at the same time... long story short I lasted a week. Cry baby, cry baby go away, doesn't want to play, and couldn't not cry ALL DAY.
And I remember the defining point of that b.c experience; I was nannying and Dustin came over to visit, my buddy was down for a nap and I was watching "How Do I Look" , love that show. Dustin walks in, I am laying on the couch, bawling my eyes out. Dustin asks, "what is wrong?" I say through my gasping cry, "she is just... so, ugly!" Rubbing my face with snot and everything else awesome. Dustin says, "well, that's why they're on this show honey." I decided I could not handle all the b.c was dishing out to my body. It was destroying my zest for life, my sanity, and I was an emotional jumping bean (without the jumping).
A couple years later I am pregnant with Paige... then a month after Paige was born, I was pregnant with Lena. I will have my husband vouch that, I, Brittany, was more of a complete mess on birth control... than being pregnant for 20 months straight.
So, here I am now. I have had two sweet little girlies and we are on our way to adopting from Uganda and we make the decision that I will try a different form of b.c. I do my research and talk to doctors because we pray to finish our adoption before getting pregnant again! I decide on the "nuva ring". Super easy, slow release of hormone blah blah blah. I read the warnings, I even warned my husband of the warnings but sometimes, the devil really likes to work the areas you are unable to detect a change in at first.
I lasted 7 days. Had I gone any longer I think extreme chaos would have erupted. There is a warning of mood swings. Yes indeed. Almost inevitable when putting more hormones in your body. Some cases weight gain or depression, etc. For 7 days, I felt like I had committed to my own personal hell. I convinced myself that my friends hated me, my husband was leaving me and taking our kids, that my kids only were crying to tick me off, I cried about everything, I would say I hated everything, my thoughts were out of control and it was like I was on the outside watching myself the entire time. For the last 4 days I stayed inside our home, letting the laundry pile up and much slower than usual with the dishes. After snapping at my husband for the billionth time that week, I realized... who in the world is speaking. Why cant this girl just shut her mouth? Why is it everytime she opens her mouth, her hands are flying through the air desperate to grab those words and shove them back in her mouth! She is always too slow at snatching the words back too.
On the 7th day, I finally realized how bad everything had gotten and that I was not myself remotely. So I took that b.c out and prayed for the girl God had been working on so faithfully. Things did not get better right away, the b.c has to pretty much just drain from your body, I had a few more breakdowns even after the removal. And slowly my body and mind come back together like old friends.
For those of you thinking about going on to some form of birth control, please keep this in mind that it is generally slow release and you may not catch on as fast as I did to the changes that truly would have destroyed my relationships around me and destroyed myself being that I was being controlled by something other than our God. Thank you God for fighting to get my attention through the chaos that I was creating unknowingly. Thank you for my beautiful children and precious husband.
Birth control works for some and not for others; I just happen to be on the "not for others" side.
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