December 13th, 2013

December 13th, 2013

"Today's Update:

Today, was the single scariest day of my life. I'm actually bawling as I relive it onto an update. Thank you for those who prayed today, brought us food and coffee, cleaned our house, stepped into an intense moment when I suddenly couldn't hold together enough to help the situation that was occurring so suddenly.

Oliver has had a diagnosis from birth of Super Ventricular Tachycardia, means he can have a really fast heart rate. What happened today wasn't proven to be directly linked to that, but it is more than a possibility; the other possible explanation has to do with something called "Breathe Holding" (and if you have personal first hand experience with this, please message me as we would really appreciate any wisdom in this).

Oli was especially fussy this day and we made it out of the house to Grama's to decorate cookies with cousins; when it was time to go Oliver put up a bit of a fuss (nothing super out of the ordinary as we walked from the amazing train table) but as I hit about the 3rd step he let out a roar, his body went rigid and when I looked at his face as I reached the plat before the second portion of the stairs, his face was paper white, blue lips, mouth stuck open like he was screaming, with eyes rolled and completely limp; no heart beat and not responding to my panic and screaming I ran to my now more precious than ever mother in law, as everything CPR taught me left my brain, Jackie and I both on 911 (she speaking English and I speaking Screaming Mom, naturally they understood her call) He was like this for about 40 seconds all together. Snapped to suddenly, crying of course, Grama took him to the cold air and then off to the ER in an ambulance went he & i to meet my husband.

There, for several hours he screamed being XRAY, EKG, poked for blood, vitals, took a little snoozie, watched a little movie, then he ate a 6 inch sub sandwich ... All tests came back normal but his heart rate sitting was faster than the usual.
We are home now, observing him, not sleeping I am. God knows his little body, please pray it can be pin pointed and that it doesn't happen again (oh please please please) that if it does, that He gives us the strength to deal and ready steady minds to process.

My friends, I have never been so terrified as today, I am just begging for prayer. Thank you again friends and family that really stepped in today to help us. We love you guys so much."

1:32 AM, I see this time often, usually every night at some point. Between feeding a baby, upping the heat, or checking on a restless sweetie. But for the last two nights, I am petrified for Oliver. Im going to be extremely transparent, as I have been educated the last two days in "Breath Holding", you moms that do this on a regular basis, AMAZE ME.
Seeing it once, not being sure fully if this is what it is. The SVT and the fact that the episode didn't repeat itself in the hospital (where he screamed even harder than ever mind you) when getting tests done. Would that make sense?  The hospital has to be worse than me simply picking him up to go home...
I had a hard time holding or even fully touching my kids today. Not because I think my touch caused the event but because I fear it repeats itself and I panic even when I have been taught what to do. Scheduling a refresh CPR class this week no doubt.
God grant me peace, take away my fear, and fully charge me to have a clear mind if it happens again.

God is Good. All the time.